the last day...

Tonight is my last night in a cast!! Tomorrow after my morning shift at the Y I am going to see Dr. Blazar and get my pins pulled and my cast off! I'm excited and nervous and ready(?) I'm going to try and film/take pictures of the removal of my pins.. i think it's going to be pretty gross.  I hope it doesn't hurt! But i'm not sure how it wont.. :-/

I have no idea what i'll be able to do or not be able to do once the cast is off.  I guess there will be another post about that tomorrow evening...  and so excited to shower without a garbage bag over my arm!! Lots of things to look forward too!!

no go deacs... :)

over 100

I made it through another day.  but i guess I dont have any other choices and that's good for me!  I seem to have three times the amount of stuff to be doing, but I am getting more stuff done and in a quicker/better(?) fashion.  I'm more focused, driven, organized, and on top of my life... everything from blogging, to lifting, to working, to prepping for work, oh yeah and I'm taking a class. Back in school.  so that's my life right about now.. busy busy busy, but i am happy and staying out of trouble.

Today (along with every other day) has been a 7-9 2-6 shift at the Y and lifting from about 930-1230. the 30min on each side are me driving to or from the Y.. so from dawn till dusk i'm moving.  The mornings at the Y are used for prep work for the day- so my coworker and I (mostly her while I watched the kids) made hard boiled eggs for snack later in the day.  When I got to Kelly, it was another day of one armed snatches (5x1) and Clean and Jerks (5x1).  The percentages went up to 90, but because I dont really have a max with the one armed exercises, we've just kept adding weight as I've gotten more comfortable with the weights and the exercises.  Before today the most I had ever one armed snatched  was 90lbs (add 90 and 90 together that's 180lbs which converts to about 82k- and that is 10Kilos more than my 2 handed max) so today Ellyn said we were going to 95.  Okay I can do 5 pounds more.  I did the 95 and then she asked me if I wanted to do 100.  i said yes, but it wasn't just a normal yes... it was an okay im excited, this could be big, woah it's heavy, i can do this, how cool would that be, okay yes, wait im nervous, okay go.. kind of yes.  I hope that made sense to everyone out there! But I took the first attempt at 100 and got scared half way through.. i asked Ellyn if she wanted me/if i could do another one, and she said yes.  I took the second one and just missed it out in front of me.. i had one more chance.  I count the first two attempts as getting used to the weight and adjusting to it... so i had my third attempt.. i was focused and confident in myself and the positions i had been working on the last few weeks. so i take my third attempt and make it.. it wasn't pretty, but it was up and i didn't walk too far.... here it is! so you can see for yourself.. my favorite part is my face at the end of the lift.. i was pretty proud of myself right there.

More improvement came with the clean and jerks too... again, the highest id been up to had been 100lbs and the highest dumb bell in the weight room was 110lbs.  Even before I started the clean and jerks Ellyn said she wanted me to go to 110 today, but she wasn't necessarily expecting that to happen because I did my workout so late last night.  I go through the warmups and things arent feeling great.. my elbow is bugging me a little bit, and the weights are wobbling.. but I keep moving on.  Up to 100 (my previous max for 1 armed c&j) and Ellyn tells me to get the 110.... again it was one of those things where i was excited and scared and anxious and ready all at the same time- but i knew i had to stay tight and tighter on this lift because I would lose it if I wasn't tight... I made the clean, stood up with it and then made the jerk.  the 110 is a little less than my actual PR in clean and jerk... progress.

Next i had front squats.. i missed the front squat workout from yesterday because I didn't have supervision :) so I did them today.  It was one heavy single and then 90% of that single... i was trying for another PR in front squats, but that didn't happen today... I got stuck in the high 120s and maybbbbbeee could argue a 130.. but that might be stretching it.. Ellyn knows me well and when I had trouble at the 3x3 she had someone else spot me and she was teasing me saying she didn't think i could do it- knowing how i react when some one tells me I can't do something- I am going to give 120% to prove them wrong.. so ellyn and i played each others game.. she said i couldn't do it.. i was determined to do it.. and each set of 3 got better..

BREAKING NEWS: I'VE BEEN CLEARED TO DO RDLs ON MY OWN! ellyn watched me do them today and said they looked fantastic.. woah. never thought id hear those words and RDL at the same time! whew!! So when I am crunched for time and I have to do my rdls at the Y I am allowed to do them there... annnnd Ellyn said my back looked bigger.. whew! look at me go!! :)

am i done yet...?

woah worlds longest day... started at 545 when I got up and did not end until after 8pm.. ohh baby. look at me go.  It was a Y-full day!! work from 7-9 then a work meeting from 930-12.. but it went until 130... a short drive back to my site and then 2-6.  You might be wondering when I was able to workout, WELL. that was after all the running around at the Y.  So from about 630-8 I was in Kelly getting everything but my front squats done. Ellyn didn't want me doing those on my own unless i had a cage to catch the bar.. and loading and unloading would have been a pain and the cage was being used etc etc etc so no front squats today.

this week is a little jumbled with lifting because of meetings for the Y, but I'm making it work and getting my workouts in.  Gotta sacrifice something, right? so my free time is what gets the ax this week. and maybe a little bit of my sanity... oh well.  I'm doing the things i like and the things i need to do.. it's a give and take.

But back to my workout.. I had clean and jerks with the dumb bells 8 sets of 1 going up to 90%.  I missed one lift and that was the 90%.  my clean was out in front and i let it fall instead of fighting it (and lets be honest- there was a lack of focus with the lift itself).  I finished my lifts and got a little more solid and a little more purposeful with the lifts (especially the jerks).. I've been trying to get my foot speed faster, my legs to land in a wide stance (this i was pretty sure i wasn't doing so well), and my head through (something i've mentioned before on my blog that I wanted to work on).  Getting stuff done...

The next lift I had was jerk recoveries.  These went better than the last time I did them.  I was able to increase my reps on my 2 highest weights.  My feet still need work on getting and staying wide when I recover, but putting my head through helped stabilize the weights and it feels good to max out the dumb bells in the weight room.  :)  I'm sure all the stinky wrestlers were wondering what I was doing when i grabbed the heavy weights.. ha. little did they know!!

But i need to get myself in the shower and in bed because my day starts early.  It will be a short day tomorrow! 630-6... only 11.5 hours.. it'll be a breeze!

front squats=pain=improvement

another day another dollar! I mean that in every sense of the word.  another split shift at the Y with exciting news to follow for y'all in the next few days... and practice and more front squats.. ohhh baby i'm going to have amazing quads!! as hard and as awful and as painful as the squats were today, it's cool to look at the numbers i was struggling to hit a few months ago (anyone remember the complete failure (and meltdown) with sets of 3 at 105k in September??) well i use today's lifts at 110 for 3 sets of 5 as proof positive of my progress. 105 is just a faint memory... but now the fears(?) of the 105 have moved to the difficulty/reps/intensity of the front squat workouts i've had recently.

the first time i did sets of 10, 8, 6, 5, 3, 3, i was dumb(?) enough to not worry about the volume and intensity a workout of that caliber would take, so i put weight on and lifted it. done. good. no problems.  the next time (i dont think ellyn was there... but she may have been) Ellyn told me she wanted 5 more kilos added on each set.  woah okay. that's going to be hard. and painful. scared. nervous. yikes.  the second time i did the lifts i had more trouble with the lifts than i would have liked... i dropped a few weights and couldn't finish all the sets at once. dang it. womp.  the third time Ellyn was there and before i started i told her i was nervous/anxious about the front squats.  she told me to do them and to practice being nervous and anxious.  so i did.  there was more success when i did these squats.  The whole purpose of this story was to let everyone know i was having the same nervous and anxious feeling with my 3 sets of 5 as I would have with my reps of 10, 8, 6 and 5.  yikes.  i think part of it was because i got my numbers for my 5 rep max from the hard and scary workouts i had done the week before.  I tried to tell Ellyn I was feeling the nerves come to the surface again, but my spotter was in a rush to get to class or internship or something important, and they encouraged told me to go. so i did.  i made all 3 sets of 5.  and i guess that means i just need a good (or nice..both??) kick in the ass to get the nerves out of the way and probably more importantly getting myself out of my way.

ohh and today i had 8x1 of one handed snatches at 90lbs.  Made them all.  and i had some really good ones.. or i guess i can say better than average ones.. but i was able to work on the things i wanted to do.  Ellyn added another thing for me to focus on when i was lifting and that was 'concrete feet' meaning i needed to stay off of my dagguum toes and keep my whole foot on the floor.. and catch with my whole foot on the floor.  when they're good, they're good.  i did have a few wobbly, loose, and weird snatches, but i was still able to make them all.  I think during some of my rest time Ellyn asked me if i had done the math about my single arm snatches and what that ideally would mean about my two handed snatch.. and i told her i had already done it... so now my left arm just needs to get with the program. :)  11 more days and i'll be free and able to bend my wrist.  I think the next part that will be hard for me will be not going right into the lifts.  I want to. but i know i wont be able to. but i want to. i really want to.  I want to be back to full swing in 11 days. but i wont. dang it. patience...? I do know that it's more important to wait and be 100% before i start going 100%.. i've got to look long term- not just now.  patience, perhaps? umm maybe :)


I'm still learning.... patience

busy as a bee

another 12+hour day done and over (except for the writing!) and another day I've survived. wahoo.  I'm getting used to this crazy schedule.  it just takes more discipline.  i can do that. i've been doing that since high school. Most of the time i joke that being busy keeps me out of trouble- but i actually think it's true.  being busy occupies my time and i'm not just sitting around looking for something/anything to do/farting around.. all of those things i can be realllllly good at, so i need to be careful.   :)

today was another up before 6 day followed quickly by practice (which went well- again) and then i actually had over an hour to shower, change, and eat before I had to go back to the Y.  I was able to watch a whole episode of Dexter between lifting and shift #2.  I was impressed with myself. and back to the Y in plenty of time.  I think being busy from dawn to dusk (literally) helps make the time at the after-school site go by really quickly too! It seems to be advantageous to be going going going! hopefully i can keep it up!

i use the slow times during the morning shift to get some planning for the week done ANNNNND i was rolling out while i was doing that. Perfect combo! and it was mutually beneficial.  After the intense shift at the Y i headed to practice and was doing more one armed snatch and clean and jerk.  those are going well. i'm  getting used to the awkward balancing of the one handed exercises and putting more weight over my head each time.  Yesterday when I blogged I was talking about staying tight with my lifts and i was focusing on that a lot today. It helped. (another crazy thought!) While i was lifting I was more aware of my head not coming through as i was finishing my lifts.  So I have given myself two things to focus on tomorrow: tight and head through. gotta be good at something, right? Being tight and getting my head through are things i can work on now that will translate into my two handed lifting in 12 days.

speaking of two-handed lifting... i was pondering this odd/puzzling fact(?) that I am one armed snatching  90 pound dumb bells.. and if a person were to double that, they'd be at 180... which would be about 82 kilos.. and currently my snatch PR is 72 kilos. umm. is that odd to anyone else? maybe i'd do better just one armed snatching.. lol that would be ridiculous. but just something that crossed my mind today while i was lifting.. and hopefully something i will keep in mind once i'm cleared to lift for real :)

Friday is another front squat to heavy single day and Ellyn already told me to get my mind wrapped around 135.  So I'm working on that. lots to work on, but i can do it, even if im the only one who thinks its possible. . .

im trying

back in the swing of things... getting better... trying harder.. more things to do... more focus to have/get back. Sometimes i dont feel like i have anything to blog because words end up just being words.  and people are tired of what i'm saying and i'm tired of having to constantly defend, explain, and reason myself to others... but i've decided that im going to put more emphasis on what i do rather than what I say.  hopefully people will forget what i've said and go off of what i've done.  that's my goal.  be a woman of action rather than word.  it will take time, but i've got it. and know my actions will tell the story my words fail to...

moving on.

practice today was quick(?) i guess everything felt like it was going fast.  I had to drive back from work to make it to practice and then I had to leave an hour earlier than I normally would- so I was moving.  I had one armed clean and jerk, jerk recoveries and then front squats (are you shocked?!).  Those were the big things for today.  I clean and jerked 100lbs 3 times today... more reps than I had done before- even though they weren't all as crisp, clean and as tight as they should have been... I was still able to do more reps than before... progress. the jerk recoveries were a new thing for my one armed workouts.  Ellyn wasn't sure how much i'd be able to do or if id be able to do them at all... but i did.  again, i went up to 100lbs, but wasn't able to finish the second lift of the set.  i could have been tighter throughout the whole process.  i guess the front squats were the 'highlight' of the day.  we had to go up to a heavy single and then take 90% from that and do 3x3.  I had a new max for front squats.. up 8kilos since my last test and then my 90% for 3 was only 5 kilos less than my previous max.  I've felt myself hit better and tighter positions with my front squats a few times, and i tried to hold on to and keep that right position when i was testing as well as when i was doing my sets of 3.

im trying.

I've decided for the next few (2 weeks) I'm going to work on being as tight as possible.  gotta be good at something, right? So i can work on being tight and holding my breath.  and that's what im going to do.  one day at at time.  one breath at a time. one day at a time. one at a time.

now it's time to prepare for tomorrow. got to get everything in line so there aren't any issues to hold me back from what i'm trying to do.  i need plans for the week, food for tomorrow, letters and emails written, and a little time for myself.

no wrinkles.

no wrinkles

well I'm back (havent you heard that before?!) and getting my life back together and organized and prioritized and not just from a lifting perspective... everything is getting put together (work, blogging, eating, friends etc) in a sense i'm getting rid of the wrinkles.  I've got quite a few wrinkles from the last few weeks, but now I'm taking a serious look at the wrinkles and finally doing something about them.  I guess here on my blog would be a good way to be open and honest about what i've been missing and what I need to change..

the first thing that needs to be addressed is my schedule from this week and last.. monday-friday I was at the Y from 7-9am and 2-6pm and training between the two shifts.  Yes it's a little crazy and intense and fast moving from the y to weights then back to the y after a shower and grabbing a handful of food. but it's manageable- if i have all my stuff together before.  I can run on this hectic schedule if I prepare and get rid of the wrinkles.  now it's out of necessity rather than my own motivation, but i think the necessity is a good kick in the ass for me.  It's made me realize that i've been a slacker for the last few weeks. there were a lot of things i could have been doing and should have been doing but just wasnt out of laziness... but now i'm being forced to not be lazy.  I don't have a choice when I have 12 hour days of constantly doing something.. being forced into action is what I need.  I need a little motivation and my schedule is giving me that.  I have no other choice but to get to bed on time, take care of my food, get focused and be purposeful with my time.  Things will be a little crazy rushing from the y to practice and back to the y, but it's not like it's stuff i havent done before (thank you wake forest).  and i am also aware my words and actions havent matched up.. and i can't and wont say anything to that.  the only thing i can do is DO something about it.  I know some people have their opinion made up about me, and there's nothing i can say to change how they think/feel about me- except to do it and prove them wrong.  i'm always up for a challenge :)

also, my eating hasn't been very focused lately.  i can make a billion excuses as to why i've turned to chocolate rather than vegetables.. and even as i write that i have to laugh because most people probably would take the chocolate in a heart beat... but i'm not trying to be like everyone else.. im not trying to be average.. im not trying to be half way.. i'm not trying to just be a national lifter.. i want to be better and i want to be more than all of those things and they all take sacrifice.. and i havent had my mind in a place where i could push through the uncomfortable and unfun moments for a bigger and more important moment of greatness.. but im getting my mind, body, and emotions in line to make myself more than i am now.

i cant remember who i was talking to but we were talking big life picture and they compared successes and failures to people on diets (and why so many of the diets end up failing) is because of one set back, or one cookie the person thinks "oh well i had one, i might as well have 458789 more because i fell off the band wagon" i think thats how i felt these last few weeks with the odd schedule and my wrist and nothing seemingly falling into place... but places are being filled and i'm getting myself put back together. one day at a time, one lift at a time. one moment at a time.  no excuses. no wrinkles. let's go.

I'm still learning!

as per catethegreat... Here's another blog that's been lovingly requested.  Not a lot of exciting lifting news has been happening as of recently.  RWL has been training 2 days a week and the last workout was last Thursday.  This week is the last 2 day/week... then its back to a more normal schedule of lifting 4 times a week. It will be good to get back to a regular schedule with lifting...


Big news for this week: My cast comes off tomorrow!! wahoo! a little over a month with being 'out' from lifting.  Tomorrow afternoon I should have more answers about how quickly i'll be able to start putting weight on the bar/getting serious about lifting etc.  I'm sure i wont be 100% cleared to lift with both hands tomorrow, but i'm  hopeful that there's something I'll be able to do that i couldnt before.. If nothing else I will be able to wash BOTH of my hands and put deodorant on with more ease.  it's the small victories in life, right??

I do have to admit i was/am devastated that I can no longer/am not allowed to say "i'm new".  Bill viciously reminded me of that last week when I said or did something dumb in the weight room.  yes, I knew the expiration date of "i'm new" was coming to an end, but it still stung a little LOT to be reminded... BUT don't worry, i've come up with a new slogan for 2012: I'm STILL learning.  It is reminiscent of 'im new' but sounds more mature and dignified(?) ha! i wish!  Let's be honest here.. this is just another thing i can say when I ask what a push-pull bench press is, or what the difference between a pull and a snatch is, orrrr some other fantastically impressive question I should already know the answer to.  I'm still learning.. so y'all have to be nice to me! :) Some how I think I'll manage and be okay while I'm still learning all the important things life and lifting have to offer...
  

emotional blogging

ok. im back... again. I feel like i say that too much and too often.  but the holidays, vacation, surgery, traveling, friends, weird work schedule, no work schedule... free time.. whhhhat? and maybe a little bit of laziness thrown in just because I can and want to.  Sometimes it's good to take those breaks, but i guess my break has gone on long enough and i guess it's starting to be detrimental (for lack of a better word) to my lifting and focus.

I'll be the first to admit- things have been off for me since surgery.  it's hard to be full swing, going to nationals, being a few silly kilos away from placing, and then less than a week later be out for 4....5...6...7...8...? weeks. not knowing when i'll be back at the national level or beyond.  just waiting. not knowing what's coming.. or not coming.. what i'm supposed to do with myself when lifting doesn't take front and center... simply because it's just too hard or scary to think about what happens if i don't get back to where i was.... and i have had a lot of people tell me not to worry about it and that i will be fine.. but until i have that 105 over my head again i dont know if i'll believe it... so i don't think about it.

it's been easier to be with friends, to be home, to show my mom how to clean and jerk, squat, snatch, etc. it's easier to sit around and watch 2 seasons of Dexter, to get dressed up and go out on new years (cast and all) and make a fool out of myself... it's just easier and maybe more convenient to not be focusing on something i can't do.  part of me thinks.. okay how many one legged squats can i do and still trick myself into thinking and feeling like im being a productive part of the team.. my efforts in the weight room (to me) seem to be insignificant and lax because of the few things i can do.  If i can't be part of the team from an athletic and competitive point, i better be part of the team from a social aspect... i've got to keep myself relevant and involved... so i was trying.

maybe i should stop. idk.  i try to keep the important people in my life happy and proud of me and i feel extremely awful that i've let down Ellyn.  I'm sure when she reads this (hi ellyn) she'll tell me that's not true.  I don't make things easy on her, but i'm not sure who i do make things easy on.. i guess that's part of me and the old hardened person i've become.. too many people have hurt me, used me, abused me and left me.. so I'm mean, stubborn, hot and cold, crazy, moody, awful, occasionally i'll let people in and be open with them.. and then sometimes (HA!) i'll go back to the laundry list of completely  attractive and fun qualities i just listed.  i think that's my own protective (learned behavior) way of getting along in life... making sure the people who want to be around me really like/love (maybe one day) me for me.. even with the moodiness etc BUUUUUUUUT this all is supposed to help explain myself to Ellyn (and others out there who have experienced some of my silliness).   It's not like Ellyn and I haven't had this talk in about 50 different ways before, but i'm trying to figure out how i can survive (financially, physically-food clothing shelter etc) while chasing after the dream of being an Olympian...

How do i do all of these things and keep everyone happy? is it possible? I'd like to think my sun-up to sun-down schedule at wake has trained me perfectly for this.. working, lifting, working, lifting, lifting sleeping repeat... but i guess that's like my wrist.  I don't know what's going to happen with that... same thing with my daily schedule... i dont want to get sucked into the world of full time work and lose out on lifting.. i dont. i don't know how many ways i can say that or prove that to myself or others... i want to be self sufficient, i want to be able to train 6 days a week, i want to be the best lifter i can be.. and i dont think that will happen the way things are going now.. and that frustrates me.  I didn't move to Massachusetts to work at part time job at the Y... I came to get better and to chase a dream...

Sacrifice.  That's a word that often accompanies stories Ellyn has told me about her time in London.  One of the athletes she met over there talked frequently about sacrifices they had to make to be at the olympic test event and the sacrifices they have to make on a daily basis... i guess i need more of that.. it's scary.  but it's one of those things where you cant dip your toes in the water- you've just got to cannonball right in. and once youre in you either sink or float... and sinking has never been an option for me.. so I guess i need someone to take me to the pool and maybe give me a push when i get to the edge because I am scared.  any takers....

p.s. sorry i didn't make it to bed by curfew, but i did roll and stretch. . .