Home day 1

Well, I feel pretty fancy right now because ive downloaded an app for my blog so I can update via my phone! Wahoo! That's extra exciting for me because my dear olde mother still has dial-up Internet. I think she's still living in 1996... But thank god for iPhones! :)

Yesterday was my first full day in pasco and I ran around with my mom for the first part of the day and then was exhausted so I napped. Oh shoot before that my mom and I went to have breakfast with my dad. It was at a casino I got carded didn't have my ID had to leave, go get my ID come back and then breakfast could start. It was uneventful...

Now im back on track.. Breakfast was finished and my mom wanted to run around. Off to Costco we went.. Got some pretty fantastic kbell socks and some warm fuzzy slippers.. Yay! After Costco we went to a craft store so my mom could make some pillow cases for Christmas presents. The fabric I do have to say is pretty fantastic! After that mini shopping spree I was wiped out and napped!

Once I woke up it was time to meet up with Vanny! It'd been too long since I'd seen her or chewy!! We laughed and were ridiculous instantly and then we went to jobys. I was told there were children sleeping and I had to be quiet.. If any of you know me y'all know how good I am at being quiet, you'll know the moment I stepped in jobys house I yelled. Oops!! I was just excited to see his little dog snowball!

Joby was cooking.. Okay baking.. while V and I supervised. His mom had bought a toy (for the grandchildren) called "ring around the nosey" and we got it out and put it together and laughed and laughed and laughed... Here are some pictures from the hilariousness... Ok these aren't as funny because they're just of me.. But we all had them on!! It was a good first night back!

im going home!

in a few hours I'll be on my way to the great state of Washington.. okay well i'm most of the way there now.. San Fran to be exact.  and thank gawd for free wi-fi in airports because I have a 2 hour lay-over... not the worst i've ever had, but still after being on a plane for 5-6 hours and waiting around for another 2 hours before i have to get on another plane and sit there for two more hours, the wi-fi is a welcomed distraction from just sitting...

while i was on the plane from boston to san francisco i slept a little, watched most (i think) of a pretty lack-luster movie, got bored so i got out my computer and started editing videos and looking at my progress throughout the last few months since moving up to ma, then i played games on my phone and then tried to nap, then chit-chatted a bit with my neighbors and then 6 hours passed by and taaaadaaa i'm here in SF...

heres a video montage of my snatch from september until december... enjoy.. i'm going to get some food before I have to sit without internet for another few hours.. I may not be able to update my blog while im home because my mom STILL has dial-up internet.. yes. that's the truth. and it's awful. so we'll see what happens while im home..

thanks for all the words of support and encouragement and support with my surgery i appreciate it all...

hard cast- day 7

Yesterday i had one of my follow-up appointments for my wrist.  My soft/quarter cast was removed and i got my permanent/hard cast on.. the cool or gross or awesome thing about yesterday was getting to see the pins/stitches/etc of my surgery and i took a few pictures too! 

   

the first picture is of my wrist right after they took off my soft cast and before they trimmed the edges of my stitch (i guess its one continuous stitch under the skin that will eventually dissolve) the pins (two) are sticking out of my hand and will be removed in 4 weeks when my cast is taken off.  it was weird, odd and a little bit disgusting to see those sticking out of my hand- i guess it's one of those things where your body knows and realizes there shouldnt be things sticking out of the skin... okay that doesn't make sense like i want it to when i type it.. it's just disgusting and kind-of cool at the same time..  here are more pictures...

                                                                          

my hand looks really beat up and swollen in the picture on the left.. and there's another picture of my pins and some of the antibacterial gauze that was wrapped around the pins... that was removed and replaced when i got switched over to my hard cast.

                  

one of my teammates told me if I didn't have my cast on I could use the pins to hang my keys... ouch and no thanks!

These last two pictures are of my cleaned up mess of a hand and of my hard cast.. when I was at the drs office I asked if they had a PURPLE cast they could put on me and they were boring and lame and said they only had white.. boooorrrrrrriiiiinnnngggg.. but that does allow for all sorts of colored sharpie markers to be used.. so that's a good thing!  And my thumb is out so i might be able to try to attempt to paint my own nails.. but im sure it wouldn't turn out very well! 

day 5

and the pathetic and useless feeling has hit. yep. i feel great. apparently i cannot be trusted with my own body. yahhoo. feeling even better.  because i want to be able to be self sufficient and on my own i am deemed untrustworthy.  i dont want to have to depend on everyone or someone or anyone but myself to be able to put myself together on a daily basis.  that just makes me feel even more pathetic (useless) when im told i cant or shouldn't do every-day simple things.

let me make it clear im not mad at the people who have said those things to me.. im just upset and hurt(?) by having those things said about me.  It's like parents who tell their kids they are angry/upset with the things their kids have done, but not at the kids themselves.  same thing here.

I want to be better and I want to be lifting with the team already.  Today when I lifted i was on the other side of the wall starting, doing, and completing my workout before most of the team even started... granted I had to rush off to be with the craziest kids i have ever met for 7 straight hours- but i already felt alienated(?) separated (?) apart(?) different (?) alone (?) etc from the team... i dont know if it was the shortened and modified workout, my own crazy brain, the physical separation, being 'kicked off' my platform (i know i wasnt- but it felt like it because i was on the 'other side' of the gym, cant use a bar, or two hands, etc and i know itd be dumb for me to take up that space with my one legged squats and bicep curls).  but these are my thoughts and these are my feelings about day 5.  i know people may be offended and/or hurt by my rambling, but it's not meant to be censored.  Am I embarrassed i feel this way and think this way? yeah, sometimes I am and sometimes it's a lot worse than others.  I've thought about writing my darkest thoughts in this and waiting to post it until a day or two later when the biggest waves have come and gone... right now I don't really care.  I dont think i can feel worse.  i dont know if i can be more upset. maybe when i wakeup at 4am tomorrow i will be, but i dont even know if that will make it worse.

i guess today i was good at being pathetic and self-destructive

post op day 3

I'm already bored and tired of having this quarter/half cast on. I want to take it off so badly! i have messed around with the ace bandage a little and i can see some of the incisions/dried blood/tape that's hiding underneath the wrap and padding.  Sometimes it feels like the incisions go from the middle of my hand to past my wrist.  I just want to see it. ugh.  Friday I get my real cast- kind of excited and kindof dreading it.  I'm hoping hoping hoping i wont have to be in it for 8 weeks, or even 6 weeks.  anyone want to take bets about how likely either of those options are. any of my med school friends have thoughts or opinions about it...?!

Yesterday I was able to get back into the weight room and I did a few different things: front squats and abs.  gotta be good at something, right? With front squats Ellyn wanted my first working set to be at 85k and to take it easy because I would feel weak and not 100%.  I wasn't sure how weak i would or wouldn't feel, so once i did 85, I went up 5 kilos and proceeded like that throughout the workout.. 85, 90, 95, 100, and when i got to 100- it was challenging, but I wanted to be able to front squat at least 103 which is my clean and jerk PR. I asked Bill or Derek if I should go to 103 or 105 and it's one of those questions where you know the answer as soon as you ask it.  105 went on the bar.  Derek was spotting me just incase I had any trouble, and I made it through all but the last one when he stepped in and helped me finish it.  Is that good or bad? normal? average? I'm not sure. But i was happy I was able to front squat more than my cj pr 3 days after surgery.

When I talked to my mom that evening and told her I was lifting, she thought I was crazy and that I was breaking the rules with my wrist.  Even though I explained to her I wasn't using my left wrist when I was front squatting- but she wasn't happy about that. Bill suggested that next time I squat we film it so we can send it to her! :)

I've got another workout today- this time at the Y- we'll see how it goes.  One armed stuff this evening..

post-op day 2

baby steps... my wrist is still sore and painful.. maybe even a little swollen.. not a lot of movement happening today. but life must go on..  Yesterday and todays pain levels are about the same.  Yesterday I had a lot less strength- couldnt grind the salt and pepper shakers, couldn't open string cheese, and other various tasks that had me cringing.  Today on the other hand I've gotten used to/able to tolerate/ignore the pain.  i was able to grind some salt and pepper- although it was a kind-of pathetic showing, but i was able to do it by myself.  the hardest task of the day was opening string cheese. again, its pathetic that the milestone i had today was opening string cheese, but i'll take it.

another exciting point for me was showering.  i cant get my splint wet so i had to wrap my arm in 2 plastic grocery bags and tie them off with packing tape.  it looked like a hot mess, but i was able to shower and change clothes. and that means I was able to NOT be a hot mess.

i'm sure everyone knows how patient i am.. and with that said i'm already itching to get out of this splint.  i want to look at the incisions, my ballooned hand, the bruising, etc... so ive wiggled it around a little and i can see where the tape covers part of the incisions and i can stick my fingers down the splint and feel some of the tape and stitches..  Friday i get my real cast on so i'll have a few moments of fresh air to look around and poke around my wrist then it'll be sealed up for another 6-8 weeks..

I'm not sure what my training will be like while i'm casted.. I'm sure Ellyn has plenty of ideas of things to keep me busy... :)  Gotta be good at something... I'm ready to get better,  Ellyn said to me the other day.. after i'm done with surgery I'm done being injured- the healing and moving on process has begun.  so I'm 2 days of better  lets see what day 3 brings...

post-op day 1

yesterday was pretty smooth.  Today was a different story.. more pain, more stiffness, more ouch. Its not completely useless because of the pain, but I just have to keep moving it and messing around with it.  I slept whole lot today.. i got up at 11 then was just  hanging out and i think i went back to bed round 2 and slept until 6. its 1030 right now and I'm thinking i may not make it past 11...

Surgery went well.  The damage wasnt as bad as the drs thought it was going to be... I had a partial tear (they cleaned that up) and then they also took part of another ligament to reinforce the damaged ligament.  I do have pins in my wrist and a soft/half cast on right now.  on friday i get my hard cast (and I need to pick the most fantastic color(s) when I do go.  After I get my hard cast on it'll be on for 6-8 weeks then ill go back in and get my pins removed.  From there, i'm not sure whats going to happen.. how long i'll be unable to do full lifts or overhead stuff...

I dont think the magnitude of recovery/limitations I'll have have hit me yet,  Ellyn has given me some mental training to start working on.. so i guess it's time to get started with my training and get better.  I've said this before, but.. I've gotta be good at something... so here i go. getting better today...