I've been all out of sorts lately... Things just haven't felt right. I'm anxious. I'm worried. I'm stressed. I'm trying to find my place. I'm trying to figure out my living situation come September. I'm trying to figure out where I'm going and if I'm going alone or if there are people with me... I feel like I'm floating. Just kind of bobbing around.. Not really going in any one direction purposefully. I think that also stresses me out. I like, want, and need structure and yes I've got that in some places.. i.e. work and practice.. I have certain times I go to work and certain times I go to practice- but it just seems, right now, I'm running on a hamster wheel. working hard- or feeling like I am working hard and getting nowhere. Just working up a sweat. I don't like that. it makes me feel dumb.
I couldn't sleep this morning/night so I've been up and awake since 3.... and I think I was up at 1 too- but I was able to go back to bed for a little bit.. Maybe what I'm feeling is how i felt my first year and a half at wake... it was a hard transition- more difficult at times than others- but because of my stubbornness i wasn't going to go back home. Same thing here.. I may be tempted to 'go home' where ever that may be... but i'm not leaving unless I get kicked out. But since I've switched residency I dont plan on going away/anywhere any time soon. I guess it's one of those grin-and-bear it things for a while... hopefully not too much longer
I know I play a part of this nonsense I'm feeling- so i'm not blaming everyone else but i just need help
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