keeping it together

It's Friday.  And freezing! I did not want to get out of bed this morning because of the absolute freezing-ness of this lovely Massachusetts weather.  Awful.  Luckily I had a lift this morning and the gym is usually pretty warm and I sweat up a storm.  I layered on my clothes and headed out the door.  Today we had Snatch and Clean and Jerk up to 90% and back squats, heavy singles and then do 3 sets of 2 at 90% of the heavy single.

Snatch was first.  Things went well (?) until after the last set on the blue bumper plates.  When we had to change the plates to red 7billion doubts and negative thoughts came into my mind.  Part of the panic I felt was because the 3 cues I had for my warmups didn't seem to be working. I wasn't moving my hips and shoulders together and nothing was fast-- panic. Do I change 'the plan'? But things are supposed to be consistent start to finish-- panic.  But this isn't working-- panic.  Do I tell Ellyn? Do I keep it to myself? Panic. I don't know what to do- panic.  I think at one point I was on the verge of tears because of it (stress, confusion, nervous, scared, etc)... but I told myself, way back at camp, that I wouldn't cry in the weight room and I kept my word.  So, no crying.

I told Ellyn my thoughts/half thoughts and she said we were going to turn this into a meet situation.  What if this happens during warmups? What if everything feels awful and nothing we're doing or trying isn't working? Well, 65 is the opener and let's go. We don't have time to change anything because the clock is running, time is ticking. Bounce out of it. Fix it now.  No other options.   With that said, I set out on the task at hand: 65k. Just this one.  Setting up, thinking I am strong I can do this, hold breath, see the pole, fast, Snatch.  It may not have been the prettiest thing I've ever done, but I made the first lift.  Ellyn telling me to get to the bar and lift it because we didn't have time kindof made me snap out of my worry-wart brain and get to the task. Leaving the unproductive part of my thoughts far far away from the platform.  I cannot remember how much rest I had between the two sets, but making the first one gave me a  little bit more confidence for the second one.  Setting up at the bar and getting rid of everything but my 3 cues.  Another successful lift.  Not perfect, but afterwards I asked Ellyn if the ultimate goal of heavier lifts is to make the lifts of to do them properly.  At the higher percentages, making the lift is what's important.

Clean and Jerk was next.  I am much more confident with the clean and jerk than I am with the snatch (as of now-- always hoping/waiting for that to change!), so I was more confident and relaxed going into this lift.  As I was doing my warmups they felt okay- getting the jerks up felt a little weird on my shoulder- not painful, or tight, but maybe cold is a better word to use?- which lead me to change the weight progression (with Ellyn's permission) we would normally follow.  When the lifts got up to around 80/85% I realized my focus between sets was awful.  I don't think I could say I was focusing. I was enjoying my teammates and helping film and maybe harassing a person or two.  Recognizing my lack of focus and placing myself in my time-out box(TOB) was crucial.  The TOB helps me focus on me and what I need to do- it helps me focus on my positions and it helps me see what I need to do to finish the lift.  I am a completely different lifter when I come out of my TOB than when I entered it.  I am much more purposeful, intense(?), and focused.  Typically the results of my lifts are A LOT better after- and today was no exception.  Out of the TOB and onto my first clean and jerk- successful lift.  Back in the box for a few min and then out to finish the work.  Another good lift.  Progress still being made with my split position with the jerk- but overall (both lifts included) things are getting better.

Back squats had me a little nervous because of my hissy-fit/break down last weekend when I floundered doing my front squats.  Even typing that right now, I feel like I just need to forget about all of that.  But these are my thoughts from today, while I was working out.  For squats we were told to go up to one heavy single and then take 90% from the heaviest single and do reps with that percentage.  I like doing heavy squats with the team there.  They are able to help encourage me and cheer me on when I feel like quitting or when I'm stuck during the lift.  Having the team there makes me more accountable and adds a little pressure of 'I don't want to let all of them down'- that makes it harder for me to give up.  With that said, I had a new back squat PR today.  Up 3 kilos from last week.  I was kindof impressed with myself :)  New back squats are exciting for me because for years, yes literally years, I was stuck at 297lbs.  Could not reach 300 if I wanted to.  So, now within the last 3 weeks I've had 2 PRs. Supa cool!  It helps to have concrete progress. numbers I can say are better.  Snatch and clean and jerk are sometimes hard for me to say 'yep, i've gotten better' because I haven't lifted more.  I' may have the best form in the world, but if it doesn't translate to the lifts themselves (and in competitions) I don't feel like my progress can be something I can be definitive about.  Maybe that's another area I need to work on...