one at at time

I'm trying new things and working on my weaknesses.  it's a process... mostly a mental process.  a mental adventure.  a mental fight.  trying to get my mind to believe and motivate myself to physically do the things i've been working hard to be able to do... wether that be squat more, clean more, jerk more, snatch more, pushing through the fear and doubts is next on the list.

it's hard to do. let me just put that out there. having to focus each and every rep each and every set and fight off the doubts. fears. negative thoughts. soreness. pain. and anything and everything else that can and will and does become a distraction... they all fight against the process of making every rep count and making every lift important and valuable as a stepping stone to where I want to be in 4 years.

For my weightlifting class Ellyn asked the class to come up with their goals.  I wrote up a few talking about how the injury has been good for me because it forced me to slow down and to focus on the technique of the lifts- without the pressure to complete the lifts correctly at 70, 80, 90, 100%.. i would be.. and had to start from scratch. just with the bar.  I had to focus on lifting the bar. I had to think about the technique of each lift and each part of the lift. the things i could do and could improve on i had to. some days it was just getting and staying tight.. and that was all i could do to get better.. other days (especially when i got further along in my recovery) i could focus on other more 'complex' motions, movements, and processes of lifting.

I'm not sure how I got on that track, but OOHH yea! so i wrote a longer version of the above paragraph and Ellyn said I needed actual goals. Specific things I was going to work on and measurable improvements. I started again.  Thinking about some of the things Ellyn wrote in her e-mail and thinking about things and places where I could and should and need to get better.. I started writing and kept writing. It was a nerve-wracking process to put my hopes, dreams, desires and goals on paper and to share them.  When you do things like that it makes everything so much more real.

Maybe that's what I needed. I needed to get real.  I needed to make a map to 2016.  I think the words- broad and general at this point- will get more specific and more focused as the days, weeks, months, and years go by.. but I am excited.  I'm excited to start crossing off numbers and goals and expectations.  but in order to do that I've got to use everything I have today... I've got to be focused with everything I have today.  Not just inside the weight room, but outside.  That's been my biggest fault.  Once i rush off to the Y or rush off to place xyz I lose my focus on my goals.  but that's being changed.  one day at a time. one moment in time. one choice at a time.