It's officially official, and i guess I am too.. I had my first meet back and I guess that means I'm getting back.. it's just the first stop on the bus.. There's a lot more to go and a lot more patience i'll be needing.. but let me recap the meet... Actually, let me recap the process of deciding to lift or not and then the meet..
being out of my cast for 3 weeks and having been able to lift on my wrist was a lot more than I expected, ellyn expected and the doctors even wanted :) When I got my cast removed I was told that I shouldn't be lifting anything heavier than a gallon of milk.
ya ya ya okay dr. I wont. and i will also wear my brace like a cast.. pssshh does he know who he's talking to?? obviously not because i probably still would be in a cast if he REALLY knew :) but i think this time it's better he doesn't know about me..
Lifting. I guess I picked up a pvc pipe a few weeks ago and then more recently (maybe 2 weeks ago.. so that would be a week after my cast was removed...?) a training bar and then a womens bar and then weights started to be added. It took some time and attention to start listening carefully to my body and what it was saying. I needed to feel, know and recognize the difference between pain, discomfort, stretching, pinching, and when pain was involved, i'd need to know the difference between pain that was harmful and pain that is part of the process...
My shoulder surgery and recovery when I was at Wake has helped me with my current situation. I remember the first time i started throwing and my shoulder started to hurt... it scared the bejesus out of me and i freaked out and was scared my first time back i had torn everything again.. what an awful feeling. I immediately left practice and i went to the training room crying hysterically because i was scared and i thought my 12+months of rehab and work and time was about to start over.. I remember crying with anne (my athletic trainer) and telling her it hurt and i was scared, but i knew i was just freaking out, but still crying, and trying not to and failing and crying more... Nothing a little ice and a few hugs wouldn't fix... but that moment sticks out in my head when I think about my wrist. I don't want to be back in a hospital. I dont want to be back in a cast. I dont want my pins to have to be put back in. So i'm being careful and paying attention.. and so is Ellyn.. we're being careful and working together to get me back as quickly and as safely as possible.
When it came time to decide if I was going to do the meet I talked to Ellyn, myself, and a few friends about walking the line of being smart about my recovery and being smart and realistic about my goals and if lifting is the best thing for me.. I got a lot of advice and a lot of good comments and input, but the thing i heard most was it's got to be my decision and only i know what's going to be for the ultimate best of myself, my lifting, my wrist, my mental stamina etc... It's kind of funny trying to type all of the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that went into the decision to lift on Sunday (and if i want to be particular, every day i choose to lift with both hands at practice) because this post doesn't do them justice... but y'all will have to wait for the day of the meet thoughts until tomorrow because I am exhausted- it has been a very, very, very long day and I am so done with it all. . .
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